Today I sit with my insides in a knot, waiting to find out if and when Sam will be starting work in Santa Monica. He is scheduled to start in San Francisco tomorrow, but it looks like a better offer from a company down south will be formally presented to him today. What all this means is that I need to create an exit strategy for my job and a relocation for us both within as litlle as a month. Maybe two months.
My job is shite and I cannot take it much longer, so this transition does not pain me. In fact, it is a ray of light. Non profits are rough, and the bigger the budget, it seems the rougher the ride. I finally got rid of the evil woman who was creating an atmosphere of hell in my office, but that doesn't fix the financial problems, and frankly, I do not know what will. Up the creek we are. My sense of guilt is overwhelming, but not guilt for the position the place is in, just for those who will have to carry on when I go. Or not, there could just as easily be a mass exodus. If I'm not very lucky, there could be an exodus when I announce I am to go, which will leave me in a world of hurt for a month or so. Holy hell.
There have been many times in my life I have wished for a crystal ball, but none more than right now. The Santa Monica job could lead to a relocation to Munich for us, or London, or Munich and then London. The San Francisco job could lead to...putting us right back where we were a year ago. Not the worst place in the world, just a place we have seen already.
I realize that much of this blog relates to plans that never quite work out the way we think they will. But I guess that is exactly like life. As ever, I am grateful to have a husband who has the capablity to whisk me away from unsavory situations whenever they appear. I'm looking forward to something different very soon.