Tuesday, August 31, 2004

our house...

He he hee....http://sgendler.smugmug.com/gallery/207663

I have a very good husband, who found this on his first day on the job.

I can't wait to join him there.

Thursday, August 26, 2004


And all it took was a little ol' concert in the moonlight at the tiny Mountain Winery in Saratoga with none other than David Byrne. This man not only an amazing songwriter and musician, he is one of the most original minds in our world, and can "shake a wicked hip," as my friend Amber would put it. Plus he's really adorable in his momentary awkwardness between songs, and just a funny and altogether endearing man.

Even the drunk concert goers who only knew the words to Psycho Killer (which is a blessing, I suppose) and shouted them obnoxiously behind us couldn't spoil the moonlight, David, the trees, and the Tosca strings. Even though between songs, they would exclaim such expressive things as "He fucking rocks, " or, "He's really fucking good. Woo hoo!" and bump into our chairs, and carry on a conversation about inane things having nothing to do with the show, I was not moved to actual physical violence. Nothing could get in the way of Sam and I's good time.

Not our dying kitty, not our obligations, not our upcoming stresses of moving, (Santa Barbara it is) not Nothing.

Music, when properly administered, is the best tonic.

Plus a lovely ride home in the darkness, and a look at the lights of San Francisco, to remind us where we've been, and what we are heading to.

Friday, August 20, 2004

easy target

So I'm off on a Friday, and figured I'd pop on the gigantroid telly while eating my lunch, between domestic annoyances. I got totally wrapped up in a home makeover type show on the Discovery Channel, as I am like to do, being an almost entirely asthetic entity. Rolling along merrily, when as sure as death, it's commercial time:

The first one I see tells me that women over 30 are likely to put on an additional 10 lbs per decade, and suggests I purchase certain one-a-day lady vitamins with some kind of metabolism booster. I am alternately intrigued and depressed. I don't want to weigh 175 lbs in my 60's! I better get that vitamin and how. The next commercial talks to me about bone loss after 30 and shows a disturbing simulation of crumbling hip-bones. I am not kidding- I wish that I were. Crumbling hip-bones! I guess I better get that calcium supplement, too.

Then it hits me- there must be a shitload of 30 plus ladies sitting around on their asses watching this show every weekday. I am being targeted- effectively.

I am disgusted.

Not to mention sure that my ever increasing poundage will cause my hips to crumble while performing home improvements. Oh, the horror!

Speaking of advertising, I heard from a girl I recently met (check out the cool shit she does in SF- www.budgetgallery.org) that with the advent of TiVo, less people are watching commercials at all and the evil field of advertising is having to do even trickier things to promote their products. Such as, employing actors to go out on the street with a new video camera and get unsuspecting people to check out said camera and thereafter, covet it and buy it.

What do you think about this? Is it less or more insidious than print, radio, and tv advertising? Actors, would you consider taking a job like this if it paid well? Are commercials doomed?

Anyone interested in this subject and the general giant corporation takeover of our culture should go out and buy a book called Jennifer Government. An amusing but frightening prediction of what a lack of regulation could do to our world, and will, if current trends go unchecked.

Monday, August 16, 2004


Thank you, ladies, for your sweet supportive posts.

Desdemona has an appointment this Saturday with the oncologist and I wil let you know what happens.

I gave my notice at work today, and it was hard, but everyone was wonderfully supportive, as I suspected they would be.

Our move is either to Santa Barbara, where Sam's new position will be, or to LA, where his new company is supposedly going to open a second office soon. If we go straigt to LA he will have a wicked commute for awhile, and if the new office doesn't materialize as quickly as they plan, it would be a drag for him to have to keep commuting.

As for my recent tend towards journalism, I am completley unsure of what city would be the better choice. More opportunity lies in LA, but it might be easier to start small in SB. LA holds the strong temptation for trying to get acting work, which I know is the more difficult choice, but possibly more fulfilling.

Today I have gotten a fantastic myriad of advice, all welcome, but am more confused at day's end than when I started. One minute I am pulled to the beauty and simplicity of life in a house in idyllic Santa Barbara, and the next minute I yearn to stretch my wings and work through my deepest fears of success in the more challenging City of Angels.

Why, oh why, must I be a Pisces?

Feel free to kick me in the as for my indecision.

I consulted my pendulum just now, purchased in Laurie Cabot's shop in Salem, for a bit of clarification, and it swung to the LA option quite clearly.


Friday, August 13, 2004

my poor fat tabby cat

I got the news today from my vet that Desdemona did have a kitty cancer tumor. Doesn't the word "kitty" in front of the word "cancer" make even the word "cancer" seem benign and loveable? On second thought, maybe not.

She's looking at me right now, from her clear cat collar, so trusting and wide eyed... He says it is mammarian carcinoma, and though he thinks they got it all out, I have to check for new bumps, and take her to a kitty oncologist if I want to talk about treating her. How does one put an animal through something like chemotherapy?

I wish she could tell me what she wants.

What's good is that she hasn't acted sick, and still seems her spry little self. It makes it hard to believe there is anything wrong.

I dunno.

Thank you all for being supportive in this. I may need some bolstering up in the weeks to come, especially because, on top of Desdemona's trials, Sam just got offered a new job, and it looks like we will be moving south. Soon. Lots of change afoot, and all of the excitement and incesurities that come along with it.

Today I am just going to sit on the top of the roller coaster and admire the view for a minute.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

We're in good hands...

Monday, August 09, 2004

woes and wonders

Last night Sam and I's marriage turned three months old. I told him we had passed the 90 probationary period, and I figured I was going to keep him. He did let me know, however, that I had another three months to change my mind, and I asked if afterwards there would be some kind of binding contract. Little did I know that one is legally allowed 6 months to "anull" a marriage. I think that's kind of weird.

I always thought that annullment was this old fashioned concept that had been used when the marriage hadn't been consummated. So why 6 months? I figure if your marriage hasn't been consummated in say, a 12 hour period, it ain't gonna work out so good. Unless you are being married in a prison, maybe, and have to wait for a conjugal visit. Perhaps today annullment is more oft used for people like Britney Spears, and others like her who end up accidentally married in Vegas. Oopsie...

But apparently, there are Other grounds for annulment, each more disturbing than the last. I had no idea about all of this crap! This is the Roman Catholic version, so be warned: I don't really see a time limit on it, but...
http://www.dwc.org/questions/Annulments/grounds.htm Check it out for a laugh, or to be deeply disturbed, or both.


My young marriage is lovely, but my old cat, Desdemona, has to have surgery tomorrow. She has a lump on her belly that could be nothing, or could be something Bad. She looks so peaceful right now, and I feel terrible guilt at having to put her through such a harrowing thing. Not to mention the embarrasment of a cone around her head. The shame!

She is 12, and has been through so much already. 3 states, 5 homes, a botched spaying that led to complications and a later surgery, countless roomates' bothersome pets, the loss of her favorite boyfriend cat to a passing car, a harrowing car ride to NY, a flight in cargo from NY to California, and the occasional traumatic bath. I pray to Bastet that she will give me at least a few more years with my special ladycat. I hope I hope I hope she'll be ok....


Sunday, August 08, 2004

random bookmark

I found in the book a friend loaned me reads:

If I should labor through daylight and dark,
Consecrate, valorous, serios, true,
Then on the world I may emblazon my mark;
And what if I dont, and what if I do?

If you name the author I will kiss you.

Friday, August 06, 2004

who knew?

NEWSWEEK reports that George W. Bush, appearing before a right-to-life rally in Tampa, Florida on June 17, stated:"We must always remember that all human beings began life as a feces. A feces is a living being in the eyes of God, who has endowed that feces with all of the rights and God-given blessings of any other human being."Bush repeated his error at least a dozen times before realizing he had used the word "feces" when he meant to say "fetus."

Trannies, trannies everywhere and lots of drops of drink

Last night I attended The SF Guardian's Best of the Bay Party, as my jewelry store ( www.galleryofjewels.com) took the illustrious title of well, you guessed it, Best Jewelry Store. Damn straight. So I went with my incredible friend and boss, Lisa, and ran into a cool girl I know who won for her company's awesome body products (www.sumbody.com I am addicted to the peppermint soap. Ladies, it...tingles, if you catch my drift) and we had a pretty good time horking down free snackies and (mostly) free whiskey and being clearly cooler than everyone else.

Anyway, the party was full of frantic Guardian staff trying to corral us into a giant group photo, who kept asking us "Are you a winner? are you a winner?" which made me laugh alot. With the number of drag queens and transvestites present, it made me wonder how many possible categories there were pertaining to them in the first place. I also wondered at all of the shaggy haired rockers there, and what they had all won for. They all looked like "Best Ramones Wannabes" to me.

I would have asked them for clarification, had I been feeling more expansive, but instead was kept busy with people introducing themselves to us. I met "Best Couples Counselor"- a middle aged lady with a cute young Mohawked butch girlfriend with a snappy suit, and even snappier shoes. Met the "Best Wine and Flower Shop" couple, some brewpub hippies, and spent alot of time staring at the Jamba Juice guy, who had to sport a banana suit. I heard there was a guy in a gorilla suit somewhere, but never saw him.

I found myself creating such categories as "Longest Nastiest Nappiest Dreadlocks", "Loudest Schmoozer", and "Best Excuse for Getting the Hell out of the Bay Area."

So, we decided that the snacks were not sufficient for soaking up the alcohol, and Lisa suggested we go here www.asiasf.com for dinner, cuz it was just that kind of a night. Our friend Jen's man joined us, and I spent the rest of the night trying to figure out why the transvestites had far better bodies than me. One of them did a scorchingly hilarious routine to "Turn Around, Bright Eyes" that had us positively dizzy. And our waitress let us fondle her boobs- they felt just like a gel bed from the late 80's.

It Was Hot.

I felt like I got a real dose of the city's flavor at long last.

The topper was my dessert, which was actually listed on the menu as "Warm Chocolate Cake."

That's right- fudge and warm chocolate cake in one sweet week.

Why? I guess just cuz I'm a "winner."


Tuesday, August 03, 2004

chocalately goodness

Last night, at precisely this time, I wanted chocolate. And how. Remembering that part of his self-written wedding vow to me was to bring me chocolate cake, I jokingly asked my husband to make me some of that promised cake. Ok, I wasn't really joking as much as I wanted cake and if I couldn't have it, I could at least try to make him feel guilty.

But he didn't make me cake. He got his butt off the couch and went to the kitchen and whipped me up a sweet batch of fudge, though. That's right. Fudge.

Have I mentioned how much I love my husband?

Sunday, August 01, 2004

ok, here it is

So the hat turned out to be the cupped hands of my lovely co-worker, Leann. 5 choices made the final cut: journalism, acting, creative writing, fasion design, and real estate agent.

The one I pulled, and I knew I would pull, was journalism. So now I think it's time to hunt me down an internship.

I'm actually very happy about this, and feel relieved to have Leann as my witness, and all of you to check up on my progress.

Should have done this years ago...

sigh of relief

I will follow what the universe is directing me towards...

low self esteem?

this morning I dreamed I auditioned for a play, but was uninformed about what play it actually was. It had been mostly precast, but there were a few smaller roles open. The kindly director decided I was worthy of one of said parts. It turns out it was the part was of- a stick. Yeah. A stick. Stick #3.

at that point I found out that the play was a musical about Charlie Brown.

Do you think I should have taken it?

In the dream I knew that if I didn't take the part, I'd be blacklisted in all of the theatres in my city, and felt very stuck. I also recognized the generosity the director was showing me in casting me at all, since I was new in town and all.

I woke up much relieved to not have to play the part, but still wishing I had a part to play, somewhere.